Isn't it just like me to update once every 3 months. I even forgot what the title of this blog was!
Sigh. So much for being "consistent".
But forgive me, dear journal. I have been fighting to regain control over life in general. It's been a cosy 6 months since I've been home. I've put on so much weight, its not funny. I've been struggling to control my nafsu because being overweight is not just aesthetically displeasing; it is also very unhealthy. If anything, I hate being unhealthy much much more that I'll ever hate being fat. So yes, trying to keep my desires in check now please.
Work is steadily taking up 80% of my time, my weeknights, my weekends; constantly infiltrating my dreams and thoughts and holidays (if any). Orang muda kena kerja kuat, said my boss. Orang muda kena gigih berjasa kepada negara. I remind myself everyday that I shouldn't be complaining about work when this is what I chose to do.
Writing about work is something I'll do another day. Instead, I need to figure out if I can keep up with blogging. For me it takes a lot of effort because I put in a lot of effort in writing these posts. Pitfalls of being academically trained in writing - you tend to read and reread and reread everything you write to make sure it flows well and is appropriately analytical and isn't redundant and doesn't unintentionally offend anyone. The impact of this is that it takes me half an hour to write and edit a single paragraph -_-" Sometimes I'll write something and think, ok wait thats no good. *Proceeds to delete whole paragraph.* Haihhh. Waste of my bloody half an hour, I tell ya.
I've mentioned before that I intend for this blog to be an archive of my memories and experiences. But lets face it, that's quite a heavy theme for an inconsistent blogger like me. Sometimes I'd be excited to start writing something, but then the excitement would die about a quarter way through as soon as I remember that I'd need to think hard to actually remember those memories and experiences. Not to mention the need to edit a gazillion pictures for the post. So yeah, I've been trying to find ways to make blogging a lighter experience for me.
All throughout the time I've been keeping this blog vacant, I have been happily blogwalking and surfing through Malaysia's most popular blogspots (and blogshops! :D :D :D). I wanted a feel of what the Malaysian youths were writing about in their blogs, which style of writing was most common, what kind of topics the youth were out to discuss. I've subsequently discovered that there has been a recent outburst of fashion bloggers, and an increasingly widening audience to this genre. Apparently the most popular blogging styles were ones that involved minimal writing and heaped on lots of pretty pictures of pretty girls. (Minimal writing = minimal time deleting paragraphs = happy blogger).
Despite major criticism from people who think fashion blogging is 'bimbo blogging', I don't think its necessarily a bad thing. For one, I have found great inspiration in revamping my wardrobe based on classy young lady bloggers. As a student I was always just a t-shirt-and-jeans girl without much thought for fashion (plus the fact that I was constantly broke). However, as a corporate businesswoman (aicecehhh), I wanted to exude a bit more elegance. I rejoice in meeting hijabis in the blogosphere who embrace individuality while staying perfectly modest.
Then again, there is the fine line between being fashionable and being a fashion victim. I have witnessed too many people lose themselves in other people's identities for the sake of fashion. Trying too hard to be mainstream, I think? To be popular, to be desired, to have lots and lots of followers and admirers.
So the dilemma is; do I jump into the bandwagon and dip my toes into fashion blogging? It would be easy. I'd only need to take pictures of my (supposedly) pretty clothes. No heavy, intense organizing and re-organizing of thoughts. I could update by uploading my 'outfit of the day'. I could give out tips of fashion do's and dont's. Hmmm..
Alas, after laughing at myself for several hours, the answer is a big fat no.
Not only would I be making a fool out of myself since I am in no way a fashionable person, I would also be a victim of peer pressure. And really, what was my reason for blogging in the first place anyway? To imitate what other people were doing? No, Izza, it was not. Please slap yourself now. Stop being such an indecisive quarter-life-crisis person.
Anyway, I've decided to just wing it - a mix of light stuff and intense stuff here and there. Maybe a post on an outfit that I like, maybe a post on discovering my faith, maybe a post on happy memories, and maybe another post on another outfit that I like. But I've got to keep writing. Its actually really therapeutic :) Feels great to look back once in a while and read what I was thinking a few days, weeks, or months ago. Remembering what it is/was like to be me.
So. Here's to trying to post something up a bit more frequently than once every 3 months. Wish me luck.
Loves.
P/S: I've figured out why I'm so uptight with writing stuff. I have OCD.
PP/S: Sorry for the lack of pictures. Lazy. Yeah I know.
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